Saturday, July 4, 2015
Change.....is it worth it???
Change, sometimes that can be a difficult word. Some times as humans we be come so comfortable with the surroundings around us that when asked to change it's like going to the dentist. I mean really who shows up to the dentist begging for a tooth to be pulled or better yet asking to be put in a situation makes us uncomfortable? I mean if we had our choice we would stay in the most comfortable situations as long as we could...;however change is a part of nature and with it comes pain which leads to GROWTH. As a mom of three rambunctious children I am all too familiar with change; from the changing of under ware, to changing a routine. Life was always a roller coaster of ups, downs and in-between. As a child I wasn't always acceptable to change. In fact I often found myself thrown into a spiral if change was often difficult. It wasn't until I was getting married the first time that I found out that I had F.A.S. (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) The funny thing about diseases, disorders or any other ailments is that we can either allow it to define us or build us up. I chose the first. For years I allowed F.A.S. to define the person who I thought I was. It not only affected me physically but emotionally as well. It cost me relationships with friends, family and sometimes employment. It wasn't until recently that I hit a break through. Several months ago our insurance made the decision that they were no longer going to cover my "mental" health medication and believe me I was on like three of them. The catch was that until I reached a ridiculous deductible that they weren't going to cover for them and I would have to pay out of pocket. After finding out about this bit of news I literally panicked. Actually panic wasn't the word I would choose but it is the best word for the moment. All I kept thinking was, how was I going to survive? I had three children to take care of, a husband that needed me and the world was literally going to end if I didn't get the meds that I needed. I had friends literally accusing me that I didn't need the meds, it was all in my head and I needed to focus more on the spiritual realm if I was going to ever have the upper hand. To put it plainly my life was a mess. Several weeks ago I literally I hit a wall. As I lay there contemplating what my next step was, the word CHANGE reverberated in my brain. If my life was ever going to make sense I had to change. Now I am not saying that every one who take mental health drugs should insistently stop taking them and try something else, no I am saying in my case I had to find an alternative solution. In my case it was focusing on my strengths and less on my weaknesses and I needed to stop blaming my mistakes on my illness. The first thing I did was scoped out a group on FB that was going through similar situation that I was and have them support me. It's a beautiful thing when you realize that you are NOT the only mother of three children who refuse to pick up dirty socks and put them in the hamper. I was NOT the only mother of three who used the excuses "well I didn't get that out" just to avoid picking up what ever toys maybe lying around. So with determination set in my jaw I picked myself up from the soap box I was lying on and decided I AM going to define myself as a person NOT as a person with a disability. Yes the disability will NEVER go away and yes I will always struggle because it's a big part of life; BUT I have things going for me. I have support from my group members who know I struggle and I know they are standing behind me clapping ALL the way. It was once said that: "You can't defeat Giants with your mouth shut!" If you are going to defeat your giants than you need to keep your mouth wide open proclaiming your victories of the past which will get you through your present circumstances. Change is inevitable, it's painful, but with my past victories change is accessible, achievable, and SO worth it....I say BRING IT ON!